What happens in Timon of Athens

Timon of Athens is grimmer than Richard III (murders a guy and seduces his widow), Titus Andronicus (murders a guy and serves him for dinner), maybe even Macbeth (murders a guy and then murders everyone else). There’s no gore to speak of; not even that many important characters die. It’s just that there’s no redemption. Zero. People suck. That’s the moral.

But if you like grimness in your grimness, and I do, Timon will haunt you.

The Reduced Shakespeare Company tweeted: “A fool & his money are soon parted. (WS did it better in a little rewrite called King Lear.)”

What happens in Timon of Athens

Timon is rich. Jeff Bezos-rich. He lends money to his friends, no questions asked. He throws ostentatious parties, he bails people he hardly knows out of jail, he hands out bling like it’s candy. He likes being popular.

Then one day: Oh noes! Insufficient funds! No problem, he thinks, I’ll trot along to my friends and ask for a little loan. They have the money. I should know.

Not so fast. One friend after another claims to be bankrupt, cash-poor, or in one memorable example, so offended by not being asked for a loan first that he refuses on principal.

This is the moment where Timon loses his innocence. The “people suck” theme starts to play loud. Call it schadenfreude or just appreciation for good drama, but I love the innocence-is-lost moment in a story.

Timon boils over with fury. He calls all his so-called friends over for one of his famous parties, but he only serves them water. Then he throws the water on them.

He stomps off into the wilderness, where he discovers that potatoes are good. Never mind that poor people have known about potatoes since God was a child. While digging potatoes he discovers some hidden gold. He gives it to a soldier buddy and tells him to kill everyone in Athens. 

He drives off his faithful servant. That’s when you know he is truly beyond reach. Nobody in Shakespeare ever drives off their faithful servant.

He insults the only two women in the play, a pair of prostitutes who free him from all worldly concerns by taking his last loose change.

And then he dies. Alone, in his cave, hating everybody.

His headstone makes it clear that he is still, today, cursing humanity from the grave. 


Nor are Timon’s problems limited to half the human race. Treat yourself to the Royal Shakespeare Company’s minisite on their current production, where Timon is a woman and so are all her terrible friends.

“Let the sky rain potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of Green Sleeves”



What happens in Troilus and Cressida

Troilus and Cressida is from what my friend David refers to as “Shakespeare’s bad-mood period.” There is moral dubiousness. There is (I’ll call it) character lurch, where a main character becomes a completely different person for reasons that are not clear. There is interminable holding-forth by important leaders, which you can get for free at a staff meeting. But! The play is based on the real Trojan War as recounted in The Iliad and I love anything about the ancient Greeks. In some ways Troilus is a stand-in for more familiar heroes (Ulysses, Achilles, Hector). Cressida is written to be like Helen, launcher of a thousand ships. Each of those famous names is also a character in the play, although Helen never appears onstage.

The Reduced Shakespeare Company tweeted: “Trojan wars are complicated, and Trojans sometimes break.” 

What happens in Troilus and Cressida

Troilus is a Trojan prince and warrior. Cressida is the daughter of a Trojan priest who defected to the Greek side.

Troilus is in Shakespearean-love-at-first-sight with Cressida. Pandarus, Cressida’s uncle, unapologetically acts like a pimp and connives to bring them together.

In the Greek camp, Ulysses (a general) blames his army’s morale problem on Achilles, who is their greatest warrior but who refuses to fight and instead keeps malingering in his tent with his lover Patroclus.

Hector is the greatest Trojan warrior (so, Achilles’ counterpart). He challenges the Greeks to single combat. Ulysses sends his second-best fighter, Ajax, instead of Achilles, on the logic that being snubbed will wound Achilles’s pride and get his head back in the game. Also it would be bad for morale if Achilles died, and morale in the Greek army is already bad.

Pandarus succeeds in bringing Troilus and Cressida together. They make some nice promises, don’t actually get married, but do go off to spend the night together. Which is not even when things get morally dubious.

Cressida’s father (remember, he is Trojan but defected to the Greeks) asks the Greek commanders to exchange a Trojan prisoner for his daughter so he can be reunited with her. The trade is made, to Troilus and Cressida’s total shock.

Ajax and Hector fight but neither one can get the upper hand.

There is a bit of silly politicking.

Ulysses pimps out Cressida to the entire Greek camp and then hands her over to Diomedes, a prominent Greek. Cressida, making the abrupt transition from driven snow to bawdy bawd, cheerfully goes along with all this and agrees to be Diomedes’ lover. Troilus watches. I’m not blaming a girl for doing what she has to do, but by Shakespeare’s standards the moral low ground is now below sea level.

Hector goes into battle. The more-miserable-than-ever Troilus goes with him.

The Trojans drive the Greeks back, but Patroclus is killed. That finally brings a furious Achilles back into the war.

Achilles and Hector fight mano-a-mano. Achilles can’t win in a fair fight, but later he sneaks up on Hector unarmed and kills him. This is not how it went in The Iliad and it makes Achilles look like a right coward, but that action definitely fits the “Achilles” that Shakespeare created.

The play ends with the Trojan army retreating to mourn Hector. Troilus remains miserable and heaps abuse on Pandarus, who deserves it.


For actual scholarship, try out the SparkNotes page. Troilus and Cressida is a confusing and sometimes unsatisfying play, and I found the scene-by-scene analysis and commentary helpful.

Troilus gives Cressida his glove as a love token. 

What happens in A Midsummer Night’s Dream

The Summer Solstice falls in the 3rd week of June. That fine pagan festival is also known as Midsummer. For June’s edition of What Happens in Shakespeare, let’s dive into A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

The Reduced Shakespeare Company tweeted: “ ‘The course of true love never did run smooth’ ” (III,2). Everyone likes a nice ass.”

What happens in A Midsummer Night’s Dream

You have your fairies: Oberon and Titania, the Fairy King and Queen; and Puck, Oberon’s right-hand man.

You have your hot young mortals: Hermia, Helena, Demetrius and Lysander. These four are all snarled up in a four-way love knot. Let’s take a moment to unravel that.

Hermia loves Lysander. Lysander loves Hermia.

Demetrius also loves Hermia. She does not love him back.

Hermia’s father wants her to marry Demetrius. In the first scene Hermia’s father actually threatens kill her if she doesn’t marry Demetrius – a jarring moment in an otherwise frothy story.

Helena loves Demetrius. He does not love her back, even though they used to be together.

No one loves Helena.

Then you have your weekend-warrior theater company: Bottom and friends.

The mortals go into the forest: Hermia and Lysander to elope, Demetrius and Helena out of concern that someone is getting sexy and it’s not them. Puck doses the 2 boys with sex pollen, which is barely necessary, what with all the hormones and lack of supervision.

Mixups, crying, and a certain amount of nakedness happen.

Bottom and friends are also in the forest, rehearsing a play for a party being thrown by Hermia’s father.

Oberon and Titania live in the forest and are locked in a domestic power struggle.

Oberon breaks out the sex pollen again to make Titania lust for Bottom, who in a side plot got himself a donkey’s head.

More misplaced and/or sex-pollen-induced acts of lust, more crying.

Puck bustles around trying to cover for his boss, Oberon, who eventually relents and gives out the antidote to the sex pollen.

Problem solved–except for Titania, who is a tad bit mortified. Imagine being the chair of the Opera Gala and discovering some random Lyft driver’s name tattooed on your cleavage.

But this is a Shakespeare comedy, and that means anyone who can married at the end does get married. Titania and Oberon make up. Hermia’s terrible father sees reason. Hermia marries Lysander. And Demetrius now loves Helena and marries her.


For actual scholarship and analysis, visit the Shakespeare Resource Center’s page on A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

My BayCon 2018 schedule

BayCon is this weekend! This year’s theme is Patchwork Fandom: Stitching the Generations Together. Baycon.org/bcwp/ has the full program, location, and all your other fannish needs. 

Here’s my schedule:

Saturday 5/26
11:30 a.m.
Saving What We Love: The Different Layers of Resistance
A look at how the concept of resistance in SF has changed as well as kept a continuity and what different generations have to teach each other.
With Jennifer Nestojko (moderator), Colin Fisk, Deborah J. Ross

1:00 p.m.
Evolving Career Strategies
How non-traditional publishing is changing the options for a new writer, for good or bad.
With Deborah J. Ross (moderator), M. Todd Gallowglas, Melissa Snark

Sunday 5/27
10:00 a.m.
Queer Open Mic
A BoF (Birds of a Feather) gathering to share work by queer authors. Bring your own or bring a favorite from someone else. Share a short work, an excerpt, a song or a poem. If fandom is a patchwork, we are nothing without the QUILTBAG.
Heather Rose Jones and I will read from our out-n-proudest writings to kick things off. All ages welcome!

5:30 p.m.
Art as Resistance
How your creations can strike a blow for progress.
With Tyler Hayes (moderator), Taunya Gren

7:00 p.m.
Masquerade and Variety Show
Disguises and splendor from the best performers around. And a lil song from me. But come for the splendor.

Monday 5/28
10:00 a.m.
Queer Characters, Queer Fans
Which creators are introducing new and wonderful LGBTQ characters? Who are your old favorites? All ages are welcome at this exploration of queerfolk in genre media and fandom.
With Heather Rose Jones and Anne Killpack

What happens in Antony and Cleopatra

I thought it was fitting to celebrate Shakespeare’s birthday this month with a play that showcases what he does best: morally questionable characters, sizzle, and tragedy. This month on What Happens in Shakespeare, we’ll take on Antony and Cleopatra, a dazzling story about two narcissistic politicians with basically no shred of conscience between them who let the demands of loin and ego wreck everything they hold dear. Fun fact: Shakespeare’s Caesar Octavius is the same Caesar who was in power when Mary and Joseph made the trip to Bethlehem.

The Reduced Shakespeare Company tweeted: “Love bites. MORAL: Never get involved in Middle Eastern affairs.” 

What happens in Antony and Cleopatra

Mark Antony is one of the three rulers of the Roman Empire. He is living in Egypt and having an affair with Cleopatra, the Egyptian queen.

The other two rulers of Rome are Caesar Octavius and Lepidus. They are worried about their enemy Pompey gaining strength. They criticize Antony for neglecting his duty and not acting manly, being under Cleopatra’s undeniable sway.

Antony’s wife back in Rome dies. Antony feels guilty and returns to Rome, where he decides to marry Octavius’ sister for political reasons.

In Egypt, Cleopatra gets the news that Antony is going to remarry and gets angry. Then she gets the news that his new bride is ugly and decides she can win him back.

Antony, Octavius and Lepidus meet with Pompey and negotiate a truce. Octavius promptly breaks it for his own gain.

Antony learns that Octavius has been speaking out against him. He returns to Egypt, where he and Octavius fight. Both sides win a few battles, but Cleopatra is instrumental in Antony’s losing the war. Antony decides Cleopatra has betrayed him and threatens to kill her.

She locks herself in her monument for safety (that’s what it says: her monument) and spreads the word that she has killed herself.

Antony is remorseful and tells a servant to kill him. The servant disobeys for the first time ever and kills himself instead.

Antony tries to commit suicide, but only manages to injure himself. He lives long enough to go to Cleopatra’s monument. They are reunited. He dies.

Octavius arrests Cleopatra. She finds out about his plan to put her on display in Rome. She kills herself using poisonous snakes. Octavius has her buried beside Antony.


Visit the Royal Shakespeare Company for a breakdown of key scenes and a history of past productions. 


What happens in The Two Gentlemen of Verona

Shakespeare wrote The Two Gentlemen of Verona very early in his career, possibly even before he went to London. It’s a short play full of, for him, early-career clumsiness. The ending is sudden and not very believable, and that’s saying a lot for a writer who once ended a play by having a statue come to life. There is a truly appalling scene involving a near rape followed by the intended victim’s boyfriend offering to give her to the would-be rapist. Give. Like an old coat. Critics have explained that scene as an attempt at comedy, or have said the author intended to emphasize a point he implies everywhere else in the play, that the two male leads are in love with each other. Just calling this a “comedy” is a problem; in later, more serious plays Shakespeare offers much more insight about sexual violence and the question of property vs. personhood. I can only read with modern eyes; scholars also say contemporary audiences might have objected to the rape, but not seen the giveaway as any serious violation of the social code.

But The Two Gentlemen of Verona is also the play where Shakespeare first introduced the cross-dressing woman, the bromance with (probably) benefits, and the forest as a place where class disappears and you’re free to lust in all directions without judgement. So much of what we love Shakespeare for is here in kernel form in this, I’ll just say it, awful play.

The Reduced Shakespeare Company tweeted: “Don’t fall in love with your best friend’s girlfriend.”

What happens in The Two Gentlemen of Verona

Proteus and Valentine are best friends. Valentine leaves Verona to go to Milan. Proteus stays behind to be with his girlfriend Julia.

Valentine meets Silvia, the daughter of the Duke of Milan. The Duke has already arranged for her to marry another man, but she and Valentine fall in love.

Proteus also goes to Milan. He sees Silvia and decides he must have her, despite having exchanged rings with Julia five minutes ago. I may as well point out that Proteus’ name could be interpreted to mean he is a fickle weasel with no concept of loyalty to friend or lover and probably terrible breath.

The Duke banishes Valentine to the forest, where he bluffs his way into a band of thieves and becomes their leader.

Proteus pursues Silvia, who runs away into the forest to be with Valentine and his merry men.

Julia disguises herself as a boy and goes to Milan. The entire cast of a play with Verona in its name is now in Milan. She gets a job as Proteus’ page, where she can keep an eye on him. She learns about his feelings for Silvia. She doesn’t take the news well. 

Proteus and Julia-in-disguise find out about the Silvia-Valentine forest adventure. There is some relief for Julia: Silvia is still in love with Valentine and does not seem interested in Proteus. Proteus and Julia-in-disguise “rescue” Silvia from the thieves.

Proteus pushes himself on Silvia more relentlessly than ever and finally threatens to rape her. Valentine intervenes. Proteus is instantly remorseful. Valentine is so overcome by his friend’s remorse that he offers to “give” Silvia to Proteus.

Julia-in-disguise faints. Remember, she is still dressed as a boy. Proteus (remember, to call him a fickle weasel would be an insult to the fickle weasel community) decides he loves Julia after all. One suspects this is related to either the unconscious state or the boyish disguise, because one has concluded by now that the second-burningest love affair in the play is obviously between Valentine and Proteus.  

The Duke appears out of nowhere to give Silvia and Valentine his blessing. They get married. Proteus and Julia get married. The audience, and it has a lot of patience because most of the time it likes Shakespeare, departs numbly for the shower.


For more, there’s a nice breakdown of key scenes and famous quotes on the Royal Shakespeare Company site, not to mention a very fetching dog and Patrick Stewart.




What happens in As You Like It

As You Like It is chock-full of naughtiness. Just think about that title. Yes, the play does look at real-life love vs. what we imagine love is supposed to be like. It examines the myth that rural life is simpler than city life. It pokes fun at poetry and defies convention by giving one of its finest speeches to a side character. But oh my word, nobody in this play can keep their pants on. This month on What Happens in Shakespeare, let’s find out what still gets us all bothered after 400 years.

The Reduced Shakespeare Company tweeted: “Desperate Housewives in Forest of Arden. MORAL: U can always get a guy by pretending to be a boy.”

What happens in As You Like It

In France, Sir Rowland de Bois has died, leaving two sons, Oliver and Orlando.

Duke Frederick has banished his brother Duke Senior, who now lives in the Forest of Arden. Frederick allowed Senior’s daughter Rosalind to remain at court with Frederick’s daughter Celia, since the two are inseparable friends. Or possibly more. Their dialog is thick with passion even for Shakespeare, and there’s basically nothing safe for work about Shakespeare.

Oliver hates Orlando and will not give him access to the usual advantages the younger son of a nobleman expects. Oliver schemes to get Orlando killed in a wrestling match, but Orlando wins the match. Rosalind and Celia are spectators. Rosalind embarrasses herself by revealing her instant attraction to the hunky but intellectually inferior Orlando.

Frederick becomes angry with Rosalind for no reason and banishes her. Celia decides to run away with her. They leave for the Forest of Arden. Even though they’re taking the court jester Touchstone with them, Rosalind decides they need the protection of a man, so she dresses as one in a move that is not queer at all. She changes her name to Ganymede. Celia adopts the name Aliena.

At the same time, Orlando runs away to the Forest of Arden. Oliver failed to get him killed the first time, but there’s no guarantee he’ll be so lucky again. Orlando meets Duke Senior, who knew Orlando’s father and takes him in.

Rosalind and Celia meet shepherds in the forest, including the humble Silvius, who is in unrequited love with the somewhat sharper-witted Phebe.

There is a subplot with Touchstone and a sad man named Jacques.

Orlando, who is smitten with Rosalind, writes terrible love poetry and sticks it on trees.

Rosalind and Celia (“Ganymede” and “Aliena”) meet Orlando in the forest. “Ganymede” convinces Orlando to treat “him” as Rosalind and practice his seduction moves without the actual Rosalind present. These love lessons become sweet misery for Rosalind, but Orlando enjoys himself rather more than you would expect a completely heterosexual man to.

Frederick sends Oliver into the forest to look for Celia and Rosalind.

Orlando rescues Oliver from a lion in the forest. Yes, a lion. In a forest in France. The brothers reconcile their differences.

Oliver tells the story to Celia and Rosalind. Oliver and Celia fall helplessly in love.

Phebe, the shepherd woman, has fallen in love with “Ganymede.” Rosalind does some verbal sleight of hand to convince her to redirect her affection toward Silvius in the event that Ganymede is not available to marry any woman.

Rosalind and her father, Senior, are reunited.

Rosalind marries Orlando. Celia marries Oliver. Phebe marries Silvius. And there’s a fourth: Touchstone, the clown, marries Audrey, another shepherd woman.

Frederick has a religious conversion and decides to live a spiritual life away from the world with Jacques (and what could be more wholesome than two men living out their lives in the woods together?). Senior’s lands and title are returned to him. Everybody who doesn’t already live in the forest goes home.


For more about As You Like It, this month I recommend the excellent Folgerpedia by the Folger Shakespeare Library.